Navigating Dinner Etiquette: Handling Blessing and Family Dynamics

In a recent inquiry to etiquette expert Miss Manners, a reader expressed discomfort about the practice of holding hands during a dinner blessing, which they find unsanitary. The reader pointed out that this ritual occurs after they have already washed their hands, creating a conflict between hygiene and social expectations.

The reader articulated their predicament during family gatherings where the custom of praying before meals is common. While they value the tradition, they are concerned about the implications of sharing hand contact immediately after washing. The reader sought advice on how to gracefully avoid this situation without offending other guests.

Miss Manners offered a practical solution. She suggested that the reader could excuse themselves to the bathroom immediately after the prayer. This would allow them to wash their hands again without drawing attention to their actions. This approach maintains the spirit of the gathering while addressing the reader’s hygiene concerns.

In a separate query, another reader raised an issue regarding family dynamics and financial contributions during visits to their husband’s adult sons. The reader indicated that they travel approximately 3,300 miles round-trip twice a year to celebrate the birthdays of their stepsons’ children. During these visits, the reader noted that they consistently contribute food or cover expenses, yet neither son has offered to reciprocate financially.

This situation has left the reader feeling frustrated and perceiving the sons’ behavior as inconsiderate. They contrasted this with their own family’s practice, where relatives often pick up the check during similar gatherings. Acknowledging the sensitivity of discussing family matters, the reader wondered how best to address their concerns with their husband.

In response, Miss Manners emphasized the importance of communication within marriage. She suggested that the reader discuss their feelings with their husband, who may offer perspective or share in the frustration. Engaging in an open dialogue could lead to a resolution, whether through mutual understanding or actionable solutions.

The etiquette expert stressed the significance of tact in addressing family issues and highlighted that open conversations can strengthen relationships when handled delicately. If discussing the topic proves challenging, the reader might consider either insisting on equal contributions during family outings or minimizing expensive engagements with their husband’s family.

In addressing a different situation, another reader questioned the appropriateness of thanking a neighbor for hiring them to watch over their home while they were away. In this case, Miss Manners clarified that such an arrangement is a business transaction. Therefore, it is more customary for the neighbor to express gratitude for the service rendered, assuming that all went well during their absence.

Readers seeking further advice on etiquette matters can contact Miss Manners through her website or via email, where she continues to provide guidance on navigating social norms and expectations in various contexts.