Neighbors Debate Door Etiquette After Unusual Encounter

A recent discussion on a neighborhood app has sparked a debate about door etiquette following an unsettling encounter experienced by a resident. The neighborhood was alerted when one individual reported two unknown young men knocking at her door, prompting a community conversation about safety and manners.

The concerned neighbor, who observed the men on her security camera, felt uneasy but chose to open the door. Fortunately, nothing harmful occurred, but the incident led her to share her experience with the community. One member of the neighborhood expressed the view that it is acceptable to ignore knocks from strangers and that not opening the door is not impolite. Another neighbor disagreed, arguing that it is indeed rude to ignore someone at the door.

Miss Manners, a widely recognized authority on etiquette, weighed in on the matter, asserting that safety should always come first. “You do not need to be welcoming to someone who is robbing your house,” she stated, emphasizing that the discomfort felt by the neighbor was valid. She further noted that individuals who may be trespassing do not deserve the same courtesy extended to guests. This reinforces the idea that one’s personal safety is paramount, eclipsing traditional social obligations.

In a separate inquiry, a reader questioned how to navigate food allergies while dining at friends’ homes. The reader expressed discomfort about attending gatherings if the provided meals do not accommodate her dietary restrictions. Miss Manners encouraged individuals with food allergies to communicate their needs to hosts, even if it may feel awkward. “The inconvenience of rearranging a menu is still less than that of having to resuscitate a guest,” she pointed out, reiterating the importance of health over social niceties.

Another situation arose during a group tour abroad where a traveler invited companions to share a bottle of wine. One participant opted for a soda instead. The traveler sought clarification on whether they were obligated to cover the cost of the soda. Miss Manners clarified that while there is no strict obligation, it is often assumed that the invitation extends to drinks, not just a specific item. Paying for the soda was viewed as a gracious act, as was the idea of treating the friend to a cocktail if that had been her choice.

Through these discussions, Miss Manners highlights that social interactions are often layered with complexities, requiring a balance of etiquette, safety, and consideration for others. Her advice serves as a reminder that maintaining relationships and ensuring personal safety can coexist, even in the realm of etiquette.

For more insights, readers can send their questions to Miss Manners via her website or email.