Expecting Parents Navigate Baby Shower Etiquette with Grace

Expecting parents often encounter a mix of excitement and anxiety when preparing for a baby shower. One expectant mother, who is anticipating her second daughter in March 2024, seeks guidance on navigating the delicate etiquette surrounding gifts and registries. With both families eager to celebrate, she grapples with the perception of greed and the expectations of her loved ones.

This mother is excited about the upcoming event, which marks the first baby shower for her family due to distance during her previous pregnancy. Additionally, she has experienced two miscarriages prior to this pregnancy, making the celebration even more meaningful. While she is enthusiastic about the gathering, she is conflicted about the associated baby registry.

Initially, she created a registry as a personal wish list, but now, as the event approaches, friends and family are eager to access it for gift ideas. While her gratitude for their kindness is profound, she worries that many items on the list are extravagant, such as a $300 automatic soothing bassinet or a $150 ergonomic chair. She often uses the list to seek secondhand items, hoping to find bargains like a used bassinet priced at $25.

Her main concern is how to communicate to guests that the list serves merely as a guide for thrift shopping rather than an obligation to purchase expensive items. She wishes to convey that the primary goal of the baby shower is to enjoy time with family and friends rather than to receive gifts.

In response, Miss Manners offers practical advice. She suggests creating two separate lists or even forgoing a public registry altogether. If guests insist on gift ideas, she recommends sharing general categories, such as “books,” “diapers,” or “onesies with funny sayings.” This approach encourages guests to use their creativity while shopping, potentially leading them to select thoughtful gifts that hold more personal significance.

Miss Manners also acknowledges the likelihood of receiving duplicate or unwanted items but emphasizes that the experience will be much more meaningful if guests are allowed to explore their imagination. By limiting the specifics, guests may feel inspired to purchase higher-end items if they choose, with a relative assisting in guiding them towards those selections.

As the expectant mother prepares for her celebration, she is encouraged to focus on the joy of gathering with loved ones. The anticipation of her daughter’s arrival should take precedence over the pressures of a gift registry.

In another query addressed by Miss Manners, a reader sought assistance in responding to the often-awkward question, “How much did you pay for that?” Miss Manners humorously suggested a simple and direct response: “Why? Did you want to buy it from me?”

Expecting parents can find comfort in knowing that they are not alone in navigating the complexities of baby shower etiquette. By focusing on the essence of celebration and connection, they can create memorable experiences for themselves and their loved ones. For further advice, readers can send questions to Miss Manners through her website, www.missmanners.com, or via email.