Exploring Identity: A Vietnamese Writer’s Journey to Belonging

In a reflective article published on October 27, 2025, writer Kaylee Nguyen explores her complex feelings about her Vietnamese identity and the challenges she faced in a predominantly white environment. Growing up in Pensacola, Florida, Nguyen shares her experiences that shaped her understanding of cultural belonging and the disappointment she felt from her community.

Nguyen emphasizes that her upbringing was not solely defined by a lack of representation but rather by her unique relationship with Vietnamese culture. While Pensacola had a number of Vietnamese families, she felt disconnected from them. Her parents, who avoided community gatherings, did not provide the cultural reinforcement that might have helped her navigate her dual identity. This absence led her to grapple with feelings of inadequacy, where she often felt “not Vietnamese enough” among those who shared her heritage.

The author describes a childhood filled with mixed messages regarding her identity. She faced judgment from elders who commented on her skin tone and peers who teased her for not being fluent in Vietnamese. This scrutiny made her acutely aware of cultural hierarchies, where the question of “Who is more Vietnamese?” loomed large. Over time, she internalized resentment, masquerading it as indifference, convincing herself that she did not need a community or shared identity.

As she transitioned to college at Johns Hopkins University, the struggle of fitting into cultural groups persisted. Nguyen observed that Vietnamese students were often scattered and hesitant to form close connections, a dynamic that reflected her own fears of vulnerability. When asked about her background, she often prioritized her Florida roots over her Vietnamese heritage, revealing her discomfort with her identity.

Despite her awareness of these complexities, Nguyen contemplates writing about her experiences. She finds herself stifled by the fear of inadequacy when comparing her narrative to those that celebrate cultural pride and identity. She reflects on the work of other writers, noting that while their stories resonate with triumph, hers feels more like an apology. Her memories are fragmented, filled with sensory details like the smell of fish sauce and her parents’ bilingual conversations, revealing a deeper yearning for connection.

Nguyen confronts her biases against certain aspects of her community, acknowledging how her feelings of difference have sometimes distanced her from her roots. She expresses a desire to embrace her Vietnamese identity fully, celebrating the richness of her culture, including its humor and resilience. Yet, she is also cautious of how her perspective may be perceived by both Vietnamese and American audiences.

The fear of misunderstanding looms large as she grapples with her dual identity. Nguyen worries that her reflections might be seen as ungrateful by her American peers or too soft by those from Vietnam. This internal conflict creates a barrier that prevents her from fully embracing her heritage, which she ultimately longs to do.

In her closing thoughts, Nguyen affirms her identity as Kaylee Nguyen, a writer and student, while recognizing the ongoing journey of self-acceptance. She acknowledges that her reluctance to write about being Vietnamese stems from her struggle to love the parts of herself that evoke discomfort.

Through her narrative, Nguyen opens a dialogue about the complexities of cultural identity and the personal battles faced by those navigating multiple heritages. Her story resonates with many in the diaspora who may find themselves in similar situations, yearning for connection while wrestling with the fear of not belonging.