Social Etiquette Lessons from Miss Manners on Communication Challenges

Miss Manners recently addressed a couple of social dilemmas that highlight common issues many face in communication and etiquette. In her responses, she provided insights into handling unsolicited comments about professional experiences and navigating group dynamics.

Handling Unsolicited Comments on Career

In one case, a man recounted attending a funeral with his wife, where he unexpectedly encountered an acquaintance from high school. Following their brief conversation, the acquaintance sent a social media invitation, which included an unsolicited remark about the man’s career. The acquaintance expressed regret over the man’s “frustrating career,” prompting the man to question the appropriateness of such a comment.

Miss Manners suggested that the man could have responded by affirming his challenging yet rewarding career, while also reflecting on why the acquaintance might have perceived it differently. She emphasized that the rudeness of the acquaintance’s comment justified the man’s choice to refrain from replying. This exchange highlights the importance of thoughtful communication and the potential pitfalls of making assumptions about others’ experiences.

Group Dynamics and Communication Requests

Another reader shared frustrations about being treated more as a task executor than a valued team member within a local writers group. Despite having a graduate degree and experience in writing, this individual found their peers frequently dictating tasks without employing polite language. The reader had previously reminded members about the importance of using “please” and “thank you,” but the initial improvement did not last.

In her response, Miss Manners advised the reader to clarify their boundaries by saying, “I don’t mind doing things for the group, but my schedule gets busy. Please make your requests in advance so that I can do my best to accommodate them.” This approach shifts the focus from etiquette to scheduling, thereby reinforcing the value of the reader’s time and encouraging a culture of respect within the group.

Questioning Restaurant Greetings

A third inquiry raised a common annoyance with restaurant server greetings. The reader expressed confusion over why servers often ask, “How are we doing?” instead of the more straightforward, “How are you doing?” The reader found the inclusive language somewhat pretentious, as it implied a personal connection that was not present.

Miss Manners responded with empathy, suggesting that this phrasing may be a modern trend aimed at fostering a friendly atmosphere in service interactions. Such nuances in language reflect broader shifts in communication styles, where informal and inclusive language is becoming more prevalent.

Miss Manners continues to provide guidance on navigating social norms, reminding readers that clear communication and mutual respect are fundamental components of positive interactions. For further inquiries, readers can reach out to Miss Manners through her website or various contact methods provided.