Conductor and Mother: Balancing Music and Parenthood

The classical music world seldom discusses the challenges faced by women who are both conductors and mothers. One such conductor, sharing her experience, emphasizes that it is possible to excel in both roles, despite the inherent difficulties. She hopes to inspire the next generation to pursue their dreams without sacrificing motherhood.

At just 21 years old, she committed to becoming a conductor at the highest level. Inspired by her mentor, Robert Istad, she immersed herself in the study of conducting, absorbing knowledge from videos, recordings, and the careers of renowned conductors. However, a troubling pattern emerged: every prominent figure she studied was male. This led her to search for female role models, but she found few, and even fewer had children. The prevailing message seemed clear: if she aspired to be a conductor, she might have to forgo motherhood.

She dedicated herself to the traditional path of success—mastering repertoire, attending prestigious workshops, and earning a doctorate. She even married, although she worried that a relationship could derail her ambitions. All the while, she held onto the belief that she could not be both a conductor and a mother.

The landscape shifted dramatically in 2020. During the pandemic, choirs were labeled as “super spreaders,” and her musical endeavors faced unprecedented challenges. Her husband, Kevin, urged her to reconsider their family plans, reminding her that they could build a family together. A year later, their daughter Corinne was born, and the love she felt upon holding her was unmatched by any performance.

Challenges arose quickly. Corinne refused to take a bottle, forcing her to constantly juggle between classes and nursing. She worried about the possibility of leaking during rehearsals and adapted to sleepless nights, often studying scores in the early morning hours after tending to her daughter. Alongside the logistical hurdles, she grappled with postpartum anxiety and depression while maintaining her presence on the podium.

Yet, the emotional toll overshadowed the practical difficulties. Conducting provided her with a deep sense of purpose, a feeling of belonging. However, rehearsals and performances often clashed with bedtime, preventing her from participating in cherished moments like singing her children to sleep. The weight of these missed connections sometimes felt like a failure in two vital roles—musician and mother.

Despite these struggles, she continued to move forward. While eight months pregnant with her son, Bennett, she was appointed Artistic Director of the Choral Arts Society of Washington. Just two months after his birth, the family relocated to Washington, D.C. Suddenly, she was leading a major chorus while caring for two young children, facing immense physical and emotional demands.

While acknowledging the challenges faced by fathers, she noted that the narratives of male conductors balancing family life often go unreported. She expressed frustration at the lack of visibility for female conductors who navigate motherhood, highlighting a disparity in representation. Male conductors frequently return to their roles with little public acknowledgment of their family commitments, while the stories of women remain largely untold.

She argues for a shift in perspective, advocating for the acceptance of the term “mom conductor.” This identity encapsulates the juggling act of score study and car seats, board meetings and daycare lunches, late-night rehearsals, and even later-night feedings. She believes it is time to embrace this dual identity openly.

The support she received from her family has been crucial in managing this balance. Kevin has been an unwavering partner, and her parents have provided stability. She now works for an organization that not only tolerates her motherhood but actively supports it. During a guest conducting opportunity with Berkshire Choral International in Berlin, she felt reassured knowing her family was part of the experience.

Her ultimate goal is to normalize the notion that women can be both successful conductors and mothers. For too long, women in classical music have faced the implicit message that they must choose between their careers and parenthood. While some may decide against having children, she advocates for those who desire both paths, stressing the need for more visible examples of women balancing these roles.

She acknowledges that she is not the first conductor to raise children while leading from the podium. However, for the young woman she once was—searching for role models—she hopes to serve as a visible example. Her journey is a reminder that fulfilling both roles is not only possible but also worthy of recognition and support in the classical music community.